Strutting your stuff on the beach is for poseurs. And while you may have packed your best posing pouch – even if this looks more like a baggy pair of deck shorts – guys on a Tenerife stag do will be better off taking to the water if they wanna woo the women.
Why? Because the beach babes promised to all the single guys by that mate who came up with the idea of having a stag do in the Canary Islands aren’t watching the sand: they are watching the sky.
Yes, the hunks of the kitesurfing world tour (PKRA) have been flying high over these favoured Canarian islands – before strutting around all the local watering holes.
Kitesurfing is also one of the fastest growing sports in the world, and it’s damn cool in anyone’s book. There’s no guarantee you are going to be pulling anything other than yourself (out to sea) but what you will get from having a go is a lot of fun – and maybe a few admirers.
So, don’t expect to impress the girls with your beer gut and boozy stories; if it’s the babes you want, then hang out on the kitesurfing beaches and get yourselves some lessons.
Hey, if you end up looking an arse, so what. You’re there on a stag weekend having a laugh; you should be making an arse of yourself!
Celeb Peter Andre has publicly revealed that at just 38, he’s past it and can’t keep up with the clubbing in Ibiza. The revelation comes at the end of another hot summer of partying, in the destination much loved by the hen party crowd.
The summer is nearly over, yet for some this proves to be the best time to go for an Ibiza hen weekend with your friends.
That’s because the island has earned its place on the clubbing wall of fame. It’s possibly the most famous club/party destination of them all, and has a long history of indulgence and hedonism.
Yet, it’s also famed for its chilled out after parties and hours of poolside banter – probably better for Pete who is clearly struggling after a life spent in the spotlight.
Taking a bride-to-be to Ibiza is a real statement: it says, we are going out on the town and not coming back! Just keep her away from Andre; he’s still a hunk.
With seven top clubs on the island, there’s really not enough time just in one weekend to drag your hen through them all.
Famous spots include: Amnesia, Eden, Pacha and Space; all places where celebs have got their groove on till the wee, wee hours.
Down-time is often just pool-time, but don’t miss the beaches as most are excellent quality – and who knows who you might meet, rising from the sea in his budgie smugglers?
When you combine fame and wealth with a one-off party you expect fireworks. With an abundance of money, most people’s stag weekend would cause a party epidemic in whichever destination they decided to impose themselves on. Dictating the atmosphere wherever they went and being crass with the amount of over-priced alcohol ordered.
So when I discovered that Tony Romo, the Dallas Cowboys quarterback, was having a stag do I expected large-scale mischief and an unnecessarily (and quite frankly rude) amount of alcohol. To my disappointment Romo has proved to be possibly the most boring individual on the planet.
Romo’s stag ‘party’ took place in West Virginia woods. The core element of the weekend was hide-and-seek… this, sadly, is not code for something else – they literally played hide-and-seek. Apparently they tried to come up with an idea for 15 guys that didn’t revolve around drinking. WHY!?! Why did they have to come up with a game that didn’t involve drinking? And of equal importance, what sort of group believes that hide-and-seek is the best non-drinking game?
At one point Romo was on his own for 35min (not acceptable on any stag) during one game. He boasted later, in reference to this game, “It was enjoyable to win just because I got to tell them that I was smarter than them”. Oh the irony. There is a severe lack of perspective there. The sad thing is, if he was playing the game with the intended age group he would undoubtedly have lost.
I strongly believe that sports stars should be responsible and act as role models for society. Romo, in my opinion, has not done this. Whilst I don’t approve of Rooney sleeping with prostitutes, I equally rebuke the, non-sexual, wet nature of this stag. I don’t know whether this guy has taken a few too many knocks to the head or if he has been influenced by public image to such an extent that he has sacrificed what could have been an epic weekend. Either way please don’t follow in his footsteps. When you come to organise your prenuptial party please ensure me that it is not going to be inspired by ideas from a 5 year old.
The Estonian Tourist Board have revealed some interesting facts about the popularity of Estonia and Tallinn this week. The first half of 2011 has seen an increase of 90% compared to the same period in 2010. So far 30,353 British and Irish tourists have visited the country this year, 14,437 more than 2010 and 7,715 more than 2008 (a record year).
The board has attributed some of the growth to budget airlines opening new routes. They have also pointed out that, as Tallinn has the status of European Capital of Culture, they feel this has increased the popularity. However if I know anything about the type of people that venture out to eastern Europe I would say that it is not their culture that they are after, unless by culture they are including the affordability of their alcohol and lapdance venues. It is this type of ‘culture’ which makes Tallinn stag weekend a popular destination for guys.
The Estonian Tourist Board director, Tarmo Musto, says that his country’s, and capital’s, appeal is through the “great variety of historical and cultural activities, unspoilt countryside, national parks, attractive towns and villages, beautiful beaches and spa resorts” bringing in “birdwatchers, walkers, hikers, watersports enthusiasts and those looking for peace and relaxation”.
Now I may be wrong but, to me, Tallinn does not have the image of peace and relaxation. And as geeky as we may be as a nation I want to know out of the 30,353 visitors they have had, how many were birdwatchers?
Ever found yourself in a situation where you simply couldn’t wait? I’m not talking about waiting in a queue. Let me set the scene. You’ve been drinking copious amounts, you’re onboard a plane that is about to take off and you need to relieve yourself. What do you do? It’s not an ideal situation but you’d probably try and hold it in. After all, what were all those years of potty training meant to train you for?!
Gerard Depardieu found himself in a similar predicament on an Air France flight to Paris this week. Famous for his roles in “Green Card” and “Cyrano De Bergerac,” Depardieu dealt with the situation by relieving himself in the middle of an aisle much to the disbelief of the other passengers.
One passenger, Danielle, stated that having cried out “I need a piss, I need a piss”, the cabin crew advised he was to sit down in preparation for take off. But Gerard couldn’t wait that long.
One of the passengers of the plane stated that “you could see he had been drinking but there were no comments. The air hostess was shocked but there were no argument, nothing.”
So despite the bad press that stag and hen parties get for their loud behaviour on planes, it’s been proven film stars are to blame just as much!
Although this does provide a humorous story, you should take this as a good advert for staying sober on planes, especially if you’ve a long flight lined up on a hen weekend in New York, unless of course you want to find yourself the laughing stock amongst your friends and other passengers when you find yourself relating to Gerard more than you want to!
This week The Mail on Sunday has published an article, by Frank Barrett, on how The Inbetweeners film glorifies drunken antics. In the article they reference the recent riots across the country and condemn drunken debauchery, highlighting the worst case scenarios in scare tactics liken to 1930s anti-drug campaigns.
One of the points raised to rebuke the film was that it was set in Crete, but actually filmed in Majorca. On that basis Lord of the Rings was rubbish, I feel conned and will be asking for my money back. Equally I can’t believe that they are encouraging large-scale, interracial war in New Zealand – terrible.
Undoubtedly there are horrific things that go on in foreign resorts, often involving large groups of guys some of whom maybe on a stag do abroad, which we in no way encourage. However a review on society and our affinity with alcohol would surely be far more useful than an attack on a tongue-in-cheek comedy film. I think Barrett has taken the line, “It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV” from the satirical TV series, Family Guy, a little bit too literally.
When it comes down to it we are meant to laugh at the characters within The Inbetweeners. This is how it has been crafted and it works well, as a comedy. It is not meant to be taken as a social yard-stick. I maybe hanging out with the wrong people but I have yet to come across a guy that goes out of his way to act like any one of these characters. Out of the people I know there isn’t a single guy who aims to be a social misfit (the clue is in the title). Not one of them revolves their life around getting laid… well… not if they were to fail on epic proportions every time and least of all if those attempts were coupled with a series of severely embarrassing consequences.
Barrett goes on to say that the message of the film is ‘kids will be kids’. Now unless he’s been watching a different film to me I’d say he’s missed the point… subtly – well as subtle as my sarcasm anyway. So for the rest of you that aren’t riddled with cynicism go out and enjoy yourself, laugh at a funny film or have a few drinks with friends but whatever you do please don’t watch West Side Story and put it into reality!
Bristol is one of the most underrated Stag weekend destinations in the UK. It is the sixth largest city in England and boasts an diverse range of culture. Home to world-renowned Banksy and is the birth place of modern day drum and bass. The city lays claim to two major universities giving the city a sprightly dynamic and a nightlife scene with unique vitality.
Bristol, being in the west country, has a fantastic range of cider, which makes it an ideal pre-drinking city. The CoriTap (The Coronation Tap) produces 8.4% cider, which is so strong you can pretty much class it as apple wine. It’s strength means it can legally, only be sold in half pints (which doesn’t stop you from buying two half pints at a time).
For a club with a difference consider Thekla. Situated on the River Avon, it is the only club on a boat (in Bristol) and offers a eclectic range of music genres encapsulating the spirit of the city. Thekla also has one of the best (and surreal) smoking areas, situated on the bow of the boat, with views up and down the river it’s the perfect place to catch a necessary breather and chill out for a few minutes before heading back in.
If you are searching for a hedonistic night of partying and drinking then a Bristol stag weekend should be at the top of the agenda, as this vibrant city offers a wide choice of alcohol and music culminating in the biggest nights! Ideal for an epic stag do!
Everyone knows beaches are prime hen and stag do destinations – especially in the summer. Even in the UK, where we always joke about the bad weather, there’s lot of sunshine to be enjoyed and the water temperature regularly gets warm enough to take a dip.
The popular beaches always have showers as these help you wash off the salt water before you crash out in the sun. Well, there’s a shower in Bournemouth that’s been setting records: it’s big enough for 155 people!
Sadly, it looks as if the shower, installed for a record-breaking attempt by well-known babe magnet spray, Lynx, won’t be permanent. Even so, it attracted crowds of bikini shod babes and hunks in trunks to soap up and rinse off together.
Returning from your hen or stag weekend in Bournemouth to suspicious glares from your partner, it’s probably going to be a difficult one to explain: “No, nothing dodgy happened, we just stripped off and lathered up with a pack of random girls”, “and we filmed it!”
Now, while there’s lots of naughtiness we would encourage on your stag or hen weekend in Bournemouth, getting this close could have its consequences. So, keep it clean and don’t get dirty – or else it will be you that’s gets taken to the cleaners!
If you’ve set your heart on a stag weekend in Germany and want to sort some fancy dress, you need to be careful. Seriously, dressing up as a Nazi is frowned upon and will land you in hot water with the authorities.
Despite now facing some of its darkest moments, Germany likes to pick and choose when it mentions the war – ideally it’s not over a romantic meal just because a group of drunk Brits find it funny.
If you are sure that fancy dress is the best option for your stag party, look east for inspiration. The East German Ministry for State Security (known to its friends and followers on Twitter as the ‘Stasi’) had guidelines how staff could mix in with the public, and some funky fashions for its agents to adopt.
The below images are taken from a new exhibition in Berlin which is showcasing once highly classified photos, and show how spies could “blend in” with the crowd unnoticed.
Yes, you’ll look like you went to the Inspector Clouseau school of disguises, but the pictures will be priceless. In fact, the middle picture looks a touch Mod to me.
There’s no reason to connect visiting Scotland and getting drunk, nor is their any reason why you should drink yourself blind on your hen night – a subject covered by a new play at the Edinburgh fringe.
For years this festival has showcased some of the best comedy talent we’ve on offer, well this year it’s featuring the antics of two women on a hen party, as revealed by The Paper Birds, a Leeds-based theatre company.
At first, the actors mimic all the fun and madness that follows when you mix women and wine – and other spirits. But then they reveal the not-so glamourous moments we’d all probably prefer we forgot.
The show follows their night, starting as many do at home in their flat, before it moves on to the pub, then the club and the taxi rank.
At one point the show is even delivered from a toilet cubicle!
The fringe is a laugh a minute. Now, if you could mix a visit to the fringe with your hen do in Edinburgh, then you’d have a weekend of fun.
Booze is brilliant – in moderation. And there’s plenty of ways you can have a great night without going over the top, so watch out for a non-alcoholic hen night post: coming soon!
Start scheming – plan your party!
For the latest news and offers…
- The UK’s Funniest Hen has been revealed…
- Who’s your funniest hen?
- 10 Hen Do Planning Commandments
- Educational trip: Cocktail making class
- Educational trip: Paella cooking class in Barcelona
- 10 Stag Do Planning Commandments
- Golden opportunities in Prague
- A hen weekend in Bath is steeped in history
- How the hen weekend revolution conquered the world
- Let’s stay together – Scots stick with the union; JLo and Iggy A get to the bottom of the issue; how one bride punked up her wedding – the week in short
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